Saturday, December 17, 2011

A Case of Dildo Infidelity

I just saw a 22 year old male patient who last came to me 3 years ago for genital warts.

Back then, he told me that someone had forced sex on him while he was drunk and unconscious a short time back. Well, the warts that he had were around the anus, and they were big. Usually, it takes a while for warts to get big and spread. I gave him a gel, which cleared up the warts. Then, he forced another guy to come to see me. There was no warts on him. Oops! He had the wrong one. I didn't know how he could pick out one of his friends to be the perpetrator (or is it penetrator?) when he was unconscious when it happened. Someone ran around the block and tried to shift blame...hmmm. Anyway, he kept on telling me that he had a girlfriend. Was the girlfriend a she-male? a girl with a contaminated strap-on dildo? Who knows!

Anyway, he came back after three years wanting to check for anal warts again. He also asked if I had a pill or know of anyway to extend his penis length. My goodness. I do know how to extend Jim's penis, but I can't use that technique on him. Neither do I want to. Why is he worried about perianal warts three years after the last time he was violated? Did anyone force on him when he was unconscious, again? He told me again that he currently had a girlfriend and that he was unconscious back then. I guess his girlfriend's strap-on dildo must have been cheating on him and bringing him STDs. Poor kid.

"Loo ju low lee oreejin olf 'lillo'?"

"What the heck are you talking about, Dear Gay Confucius?"

"Lee oreejin olf 'lillo'!"

"The origin of 'Dildo'?"

"Jeah!"

"No."

"Otay. Mee tel ju. Ji-leese pee-pole had burd jears ago...beeg burd. Luh beak nook nike lillo...beeg lillo! Luh King eem-paw-tent...wee-wee lo work. Luh Queen suffawcake luh King burd weng jee poot luh beak olf luh burd ing her vageena. JEE LOWVE ICH!!! Jee wang loe-uh. Jee jsaid: "Lil' lower! Lil lo, lillo." Jee calle ich LILLO." Ah-meri-cang pee-pole no cang pronounce, ley jsay: "Dildo".

3 comments:

  1. Can't you just tell these people "stop bullshitting me?" If you're gay it's no big deal.

    It has to be really embarrassing to bring in this kind of problem to your doctor.

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  2. I always try to make it as comfortable for them as possible and let them know they shouldn't be embarrassed about things like this. Most of them open up and feel relieved.

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  3. And you can't make that stuff up! Thanks for the laugh.

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