Sunday, January 30, 2011

Anyone Has a Match?

We have moved into this new house for about a year now. In the basement,'s more like another floor, we have a small room that we converted into an exercise room for my sisters. Inside that room, we have a small closet that has the water heater and a sink to bathe their dogs. My sisters also put their dogs in this room at night. They are tiny dogs, and they only want to sleep in their crates. Anyway, there has been this annoying smell coming from this room. And it has become increasingly worse. We first blamed the dogs. But, my sisters did a good job at cleaning the room and bathing these dogs. It didn't help. It got to the point that I would feel embarrassed if I have guests walking toward the guest room, which is across from this room.

Over the past few days, it became stinky. We took a closer look and thought that it had to be from the water heater. We guessed that it was the gas leak. We were able to have the contractor, whom we knew well, come and add a vent system for this room, and the heat guy was to come today.

It happened that Jim came to visit us last night. So, he was very nice to help me check the water heater. He also thought that it was the source. So, he turned it off. This morning, I woke up early when it was still dark. My electricity was gone. The thermostat dropped down to the sixties. The stove didn't have any gas. The shower was extremely cold. Everywhere was dark. What did Jim do to my gas and my electricity? He sabotaged my house!!! The gas odor was still strong, however. And, now, it's all over the house. I couldn't find my flashlights anywhere. Luckily, I found some matches...

Just kidding...:)))

I found out that our propane tank was empty. We did have a tiny leak from the water heater's pipe. The heater guy tightened the screw for me. But, I still have to wait until we refill the propane tank to really test it. For now, I have to take really cold baths.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Mama Mia

I am stuck with a dilema at work, and it's killing me.

The story is one of my two new PA's has horrible breath. I'm talking about "Stink". It's unbearable. And, I don't know how to tell her.

Since the PA's are new, my sister and I are not yet comfortable having them see patients all by themselves. We always review the cases and see the patients briefly after they have been seen by these PA's. So, they would present the cases to us after seeing their patients.

I find myself not wanting this PA to open her mouth at all. But when she presents the cases, she keeps on getting so close to me. I told her several times that since we were busy, she didn't have to present; I could just read her notes. But she continues to talk and talk and talk...Most of the time, I find myself steering my head away from her or walking really fast so she would be behind me. But, sometimes, she caught me by surprise, and...OMG!!!!!

My sister can't stand it either, but neither one of us wants to tell her. We don't want to offend her or hurt her feelings. At, the same time, it's unbearable. One of these days, you'll find me falling stiff like a bird laying at the bottom of a cage.

What am I to do?????

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I have a smooth body

I started High School soon after my family and I arrived to the United States. I had no clue what High School was like or supposed to be like.

Before we escaped from our country, I only finished sixth grade. I spent a year in the deep south, rural area of the country in hiding to prepare for the escape and another year in a refugee camp. I did nothing but fooling around. To think about it, even when I was still in school, I did nothing. I don't remember studying much. I do remember isolating myself from the other kids, though. I do remember noticing I was different from them. I didn't know what was different, but I knew I was different.

I was not bullied by the others, though. I guess they respected me because I was smart or, at least, smarter than they. Or, maybe I just didn't give a damn if they teased me.

Anyway, that confidence didn't last when I had to take P.E. in tenth grade. I had no clue what P.E. was. On the first day, the butchy, probably lesbian teacher made me play softball. Unfortunately, I was the first one to bat. I didn't know why she picked me first; maybe it was because I was a tiny kid...who knew. Suddenly, some kid threw a ball at me. Then, a whole bunch of the other kids yelled...hit, hit, hit!!! What the heck? So, the kid threw it another time. This time, I hit the ball pretty far. And I stood right there...

So...the butchy teacher came over and grabbed my shirt at the collar and yelled, whatever it was...I had no clue and was taken by surprise.

She probably yelled, "What the F are you thinking?" Well, what the F were you thinking, butchy female P.E. teacher? I was fresh out of the boat...literally...I was one of those boat people! In my country, the communitsts threw grenades! In my country, I used to sell candies and bananas since age eight to help my family. How the heck was I supposed to know what softball was?

Anyway, that was the least of my concern during P.E. If I had no problem getting straight A's in all of my other classes, I didn't think it would have been possible for some softball games to bring my GPA down. My concern was my smooth body and hairless legs!

The Whites had hair; the Blacks had hair; the Hispanics had hair. My legs had no hair! AND my mom didn't have the money to get me a pair of sweat pants to hide them. My P.E. shorts were from my cousin. Why didn't he wear sweat pants before and hand them down to me? Every morning, for two years, I had to show my hairless legs!!! I was so conscious about it. I was horrified. I was so scared that one morning some kid would notice my legs and know I was gay. I thought my body was smooth because I was gay.

Have you ever prayed for hair to grow on your body? I know people do pray for hair to grow on their head but never on their body! Well, I did! I did for the longest time.

It is horrible how people keep on making assumptions and, therefore, torture themselves and other people. The butchy female P.E. teacher assumed I knew what softball was and acted in a very un-lady like manner. I assumed I didn't have hair on my body because I was gay and tortured myself for a long time. I assumed, I assumed, and I assumed many things about my being gay. At the end of the day, I locked myself within my own box, my own prison. I only came out to act, to play the main character of my own all times, worrying that I would slip or forget my lines, not knowing when the play would end.

Today, the play has ended. And I am glad I have a smooth body.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Golden Girls

I often find myself staying up late at night to watch re-runs, most of the time the Golden Girls...then Cheers, then Three's Company, Who's the Boss, All in the Family, Married with Children, I Love Lucy,...

I watch them over and over. I'm not sure there's any episode left that I haven't watched for at least...multiple times. Jim often said it's so gay to watch the Golden Girls. I'm not sure why that is. They are pretty funny, these shows. However, when I really think about it, it's the tunes that I like. I find the familiarity in these tunes that brings me back to the old time, when I was younger, when life was less complicated. It brings the joy and serenity of life, regardless of how good or bad the old times were.

I had to work a lot during my younger years, but that was never the problem in my life. I took pride in it because I was able to bring home some money to help my parents and family while we struggled through life in a new country. But, at the same time, I was struggling with my sexuality. I had no clue what sexuality was. I just knew I was different. Then, I knew what sexuality was, and I struggled even more. I shielded myself with fear, so much that I forgot to enjoy life, to notice the beauty of little things around me. I let time and everything around it pass by, just like that, for years.

So, now, I've been trying to recover the timeless past that has always been part of me. I listen to these tunes. I watch these re-runs, whatever for...I don't know any more. I am happier now, a lot, but I still watch them. It has become an addiction, an addiction in searching for things lost.

Today, I have decided to pay attention to things in the present, things that are happening in my life now, big things, little things, so that I won't miss them in the future. I'm going to spend more time with my loved ones. I'm going to enjoy listening to my new cockateil saying "hello" and "I love you". I'm going to enjoy the fact that my new canary just laid an egg. I'm going to enjoy the sun beams that just now passed through my windows. I'm going to enjoy life. I'm going to accept the things that I cannot change and make the best of the situation.

I'm thankful for today. I'm thankful for the little, beautiful things that are around me today. I'm thankful for the people that are with me today. They will be my peace and memories of the future, not any re-runs on TV.