Monday, March 28, 2011


Today, I vomited a couple of times.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


Jim visited me tonight and helped me assemble a swing set for the patio. It took us about two hours, despite the instruction saying thirty minutes. Jim and I both thought that the only way it would take only thirty minutes to set that up is by one of those Chinese working for the swing factory who competes to save the lives of his family. It was not at all complicated, but it was time consuming. We worked very well on this project. I think it was the first project we really did together. Jim said it was a test of the relationship. We didn't argue at all, not even once. I told Jim it was because I was willing to let Jim do all the work and Jim was willing to listen when I corrected what he did wrong. Tomorrow, I'll look for more projects to test our relationship. I think tonight we found the secret for maintaining a strong relationship... :) ILUJ

Friday, March 18, 2011

Spring has come

These were the ducklings from last year. I don't know where they all are, now. Maybe, some of them were eaten by some animals. Even before the winter, I hadn't seen all of them again. Now that the spring is back, I do see some of them paddling around the pond but not many. Maybe, they'll hatch some more soon. I can't wait. They give life to the still pond.
The Canada geese are also back. But they are destroyers. They ate all the grass around the pond and further into my backyard last year. Right now, all the grass in my yard is dead. I'll have to grow some soon, but I'm afraid of these geese. There's a house across the pond from my house that has new grass. They're attacking that lawn now. I thought they wouldn't come back to my house, but they do. They eat there and rest on my side of the pond afterward. That's very nice but not good once I put in a new lawn...
Then there's a family of five deers that often trespass my backyard. They like my mom's vegetable garden. My mom is very anxious about it.
The only animals that I don't really welcome at my house are the herons. There was one that discovered my coi pond this past winter. Luckily, it hasn't fished out any of my coi fish yet. I got two fake metal herons at the coi pond, but I don't think that works. I recently bought a very real looking fake eagle. Let's see if that will work.
I love the spring. I love sitting on the balcony looking out to the pond, the ducks, the geese, the deers, all the different flowers. The new leaves are coming out, too. It's so peaceful yet full of life.
Tonight, I sat on the upper balcony looking out to the pond. I couldn't see the flowers, the animals. But I saw the still pond, the full moon. It was very peaceful. And, the best thing was Jim sitting next to me.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

just rambling

Spring has come. The flowers in my garden have been blooming over the last couple weeks. I'm so glad winter is over. I'm glad we had the time change. At least, now, I can still enjoy some daytime activities after work.
These are some of the flowers that my mom and I planted last fall. Aren't they beautiful? This year, we're going to put some more bulbs. I don't like that part though. In the next couple of months, I'm going to put down some flowering ground covers. I try to have most of our plants perenials. Eventually, I can stop digging holes, planting...nice thoughts.
I used to be sad and let my life consumed with being gay and the negativity surrounding it. Now, I'm more optimistic. I want to look at the good in life. I want to look at the beautiful flowers in my garden. I want to listen to my birds sing. I want to spend time with my special boyfriend and my family. I am very thankful for what I have. And I pray to God that things will be ok in the future for I know not what's going to happen.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Time for bed, sleepy head

It's 1:30 am. I'm still wide awake. It's funny...I'm awake worrying about Jim not being able to sleep. I told him to call me if he couldn't sleep, but he said he didn't want to bother me. So, now, I'm wondering if he's sound as sleep or if he's awake and pacing the floor. But, I don't want to text him in case he's sleeping and that would wake him up...

Well, I'm going to wind up one of my musical globes...It's a small snow baby musical globe. On it, there's a line that says: "Time for bed, sleepy head." I wind it up once in a while. I love musical globes. I love hearing them play. My first musical globe was actually a small musical piano, not a globe. My cousin gave it to me when I first arrived to the US thirty years, how time just flew by; before you have the chance to wink, it's 30 years.

I used to stay up late translating my homework from English to Vietnamese during the first six months. And this musical toy had kept me good company. I can still hear the tunes and feel the special feelings they brought me during those cold, silent nights. Somehow, it was very special. I guess I equated it with the peace, the freshness, the safety, the hope, the innocence, the simplicity of a new life in a new country. The path getting to that point was tough. But, my parents brought me to that point.

Since then, the path that has gotten me to this point now has not been easy. At one point, it was extremely difficult. But, I got here, now. And I am happy. And a part of my happiness is Jim. So, tonight, I again wind up my musical snow globe to mark this moment.

And I'm going to wind up my snow globe one more time for those blogger friends who are struggling to find the path to happiness. My prayers are for you.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Daddy Canary

My two canaries flew out of their nest right on the day I wrote about them. Since, my mom and I have been observing them so closely. Initially, it was mainly because we were afraid they might starve if they couldn't eat by themselves. I even went to the pet store to get the baby bird food for them in case we needed to hand feed them. But, on the contrary, they have been very well fed by the daddy canary.

This was very much to our surprise. The mommy canary finally chose one of the two new nests I made for her and has laid two eggs. So, she has been shying away from the chicks. Meanwhile, the daddy canary has been so wonderful. He feeds his babies constantly throughout the day. At first, my mom and I were afraid that he would only feed the one that sits next to him or when it's convenient to him. But, no, he looks for the babies to feed them. He would fly to one to feed it. Then, he would look for the other one and fly to it to feed it. How amazing! The babies are almost as big as the mom and can fly really well. And the daddy still looks for them to feed them. Very endearing.

Every time I see the daddy canary feed his babies, I think of Jim and the gay dads that have been struggling with their lives, having worries about their kids. My heart just goes out for them. It's heart-breaking.

I am gay, too. I have issues, too. But, I have accepted my situation and been mostly at peace with where I am. Self-acceptance is a very powerful tool in life. Or maybe it's only because I've gone through so much crap in life that I now refuse to let any crap pull me down any more and just make the best of any situation and try to be as happy as possible. I cannot say if having kids is better than not having kids for a gay person or vice-versa. But, for now, I am glad I don't have kids. I'm glad I don't have to worry about hurting the kids. When I am older, I think I might regret that I don't have kids, though.

Every time I think about the daddy canary, I pray for Jim and all those gay dads to be ok, to be accepted by their kids, and, most important of all, to have peace. They deserve it.