I often find myself staying up late at night to watch re-runs, most of the time the Golden Girls...then Cheers, then Three's Company, Who's the Boss, All in the Family, Married with Children, I Love Lucy,...
I watch them over and over. I'm not sure there's any episode left that I haven't watched for at least...multiple times. Jim often said it's so gay to watch the Golden Girls. I'm not sure why that is. They are pretty funny, these shows. However, when I really think about it, it's the tunes that I like. I find the familiarity in these tunes that brings me back to the old time, when I was younger, when life was less complicated. It brings the joy and serenity of life, regardless of how good or bad the old times were.
I had to work a lot during my younger years, but that was never the problem in my life. I took pride in it because I was able to bring home some money to help my parents and family while we struggled through life in a new country. But, at the same time, I was struggling with my sexuality. I had no clue what sexuality was. I just knew I was different. Then, I knew what sexuality was, and I struggled even more. I shielded myself with fear, so much that I forgot to enjoy life, to notice the beauty of little things around me. I let time and everything around it pass by, just like that, for years.
So, now, I've been trying to recover the timeless past that has always been part of me. I listen to these tunes. I watch these re-runs, whatever for...I don't know any more. I am happier now, a lot, but I still watch them. It has become an addiction, an addiction in searching for things lost.
Today, I have decided to pay attention to things in the present, things that are happening in my life now, big things, little things, so that I won't miss them in the future. I'm going to spend more time with my loved ones. I'm going to enjoy listening to my new cockateil saying "hello" and "I love you". I'm going to enjoy the fact that my new canary just laid an egg. I'm going to enjoy the sun beams that just now passed through my windows. I'm going to enjoy life. I'm going to accept the things that I cannot change and make the best of the situation.
I'm thankful for today. I'm thankful for the little, beautiful things that are around me today. I'm thankful for the people that are with me today. They will be my peace and memories of the future, not any re-runs on TV.