Saturday, September 24, 2011

I'm So Tired Today

That's it. I'm so tired today!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

My Condom Broke

Most of the patients who come in to see me with complaints relating their penises have the same line: "The condom broke!" Most of the time, I don't know why they would say that. Most of the time, it wouldn't change the management.

But, they say it anyway. I know it's bad, but usually when the Black guys say it, I don't pay so much attention. But, when some little guys say it, I question the possibility. Not all Black guys are big. It's not uncommon to see a six-foot tall Black guy with a small penis. But, a lot of them do have big ones. You'd be surprised. Sometimes, a tiny guy can turn up with a big one.

Anyway, today, there came a Hispanic guy who told me his condom broke this morning, giving him a rash. I checked him, and it was tiny! How in the world could he have broken his condom? Some are to show. Some are to grow. But, this one...impossible. How much can yours grow?

"Mee weewee groe nong. Jometimes, mee yoose ich ass a staff."

"I don't believe you, Dear Confucius. Yours probably has been dead for centuries."

"Mee weewee jso nong eng haard...ju cang no tell weech eez duh reel staff."

"Yes, I can. The real staff doesn't have cobwebs on it!!!"

"Tooch ich!"


"Mee loe ju...ju loe la la, la la la la la la la la, la la la la...."

Saturday, September 17, 2011


The past week has been so crazy at the clinic. Today was even worse. We saw the same amount of patients today as we did on a busy weekday. We were supposed to close at 2pm but finished with the last one at 3:30pm.

On days like this, I need to be very efficient. This is very difficult since most of my patients require an interpreter. I do ok by myself with Hispanic patients, but we also have a lot of immigrants from other countries like Burma and Nepal.

My sister dread the Nepalese. We don't even ask our PA to see them. I see them. They are very nice people, but it seems like most of them want to get the most out of their medical benefits. I guess, from where they used to live, it was extremely difficult to get medical attention. Their lists of medical problems are endless. And they are afraid that if they don't get treatment for every thing in one visit, they won't get it at all. We always address every issue our patients have before we leave the exam room, but they're still afraid.

Most of them have pain at one location or another on their body. And they always say "paining". And, another thing, they don't nod. Actually, they nod to the side; they bend their heads to the shoulder to indicate "yes". Sometimes, they bend their heads to the right; sometimes they bend their heads to the left. Sometimes, they bend their heads to the right then to the left. Sometimes, they repeatedly do it. I have yet to figure out what their "no" is. And, I'm afraid to ask. They usually just say "no".

Well, sometimes, I think it's kind of funny when they nod like that, especially when they do it rhythmically like a dancing motion. For every symptom I asked them, they nodded. There was a family of four today. They all nodded to my questions like sychronized swimmers at the Olympics. They nodded, and they nodded. They never stopped. I was exhausted. Not today, I thought. There were so many patients. I didn't have time to sit there watching them dance with their nods. I couldn't take so much of their nods any more. Today was hard.

On another note, tonight, Jim came to hear me sing for a benefit. I'm happy he was there.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Confucius is bothering me...

I saw a 20 year-old Burmese patient today. He was riding a bus, and it flipped. The ER doc gave him 32 staples on his left upper back and six on his left elbow. Pus was oozing out a little when I undressed...

"Beague aw jsmaw weewee?"

"I undressed his WOUND, Dear Confucius!"

"Woule ong hiz weewee?"

"NO! On his back!"

"Ju jsay ich ooz. Ole-lee weewee oooz!"

"A penis does not ooze pus..."

"Jspurm! Jspurm!"

"I know! Dear Confucius. Can I continue to tell my story without you interupting, please?"

"Otay, otay...Mee weewee jsee?"

"No, thank you."

"Nook! Poose!"

"...That's not pus! Get away from me!!!"

Friday, September 2, 2011

For You...

When your heart aches, mine pains
When your tears drop, mine rain
When your heart skips, mine--extra beats
Together, same path we reach.

Close our eyes, let's sleep
To a humble lullaby
Of life
For, tomorrow, the sun shall shine.