Sunday, January 22, 2012

What Gives!

What Gives...

Does this phrase sound gay to you? It does, doesn't it? I first heard this in the Golden Girls. I think both Rose and Blanch said it. Yes, both of them said it. Trust me.

Why do people say that gay men love the Golden Girls? I don't get it. What gives! This does sound gay! I'll probably never say it again. What gives!

Yesterday, I saw this man from Nepal. He was one of those men who had no concepts of hygiene. I mean, if you are one of those people who sweat a lot, wear some deodorants! What gives! He didn't. The fumes just spurted out in waves. I almost got an asthma attack. But that wasn't "what gives".

His son told me he had a rash in his "difficult" area. What gives? "You mean his groin area? His penis? His buttock?" I asked the son. I was scared stiff...danger zone. I was going to have to examine that "difficult" area of a 60 year old man who had, really,...a really bad smell exploding from his armpits. Who knew what was in there.

I have taken care of patients who are construction workers, landscapers who come in after work and smell bad. But, I don't think anything of it. They work hard. Of course, they are bound to sweat and smell. That is OK. That is understandable. This man, on the other hand, doesn't work. And, honest, I don't think he takes showers. My best bet is once a week.

So, I called one of my male staff in to be my chaperon. I asked the patient to step down from the exam table and stand in front of me. He did. I signaled him to pull down his pants. He said, "No." I thought he didn't understand me. So, I asked his son to tell him to pull his pants down. He said, "No." I told him I wouldn't be able to know how to treat him if I couldn't see the rash. He said, "No." WHAT GIVES! LOL...

Though I was really afraid of what I might have to see in and smell from his "difficult" area, I would feel guilty if I didn't treat him. I was anxious of the unknown. But, I gave him another try. I told him, "Sir, how am I going to help you if I don't know what your rash looks like?" He said, "No."

OK! Brew it in there. What gives!

OK, I'll stop with the gay "what gives". I forgot, I AM GAY. But saying "what gives" is gayer. Or, should I say "more gay" instead of "gayer"?

"Jshut duh fook oop! Whac geeves!"

"Gay Confucius, You Shut Up!"

"Ju jshut oop! Whac geeves!"


  1. That experience is just wrong!! Sorry you had to go through it. :D

  2. I thought it was funny. I think it will be more funny when his rash gets bigger...LOL

  3. Must be that "dark" doctor humour we suspect happens when we walk out of the room! :D

    It's ok, we have our dark humour at work too!!


  4. Do you know what just happened to me yesterday?
    There was this middle-aged man who came in with symptoms of a prostatitis. When I told him I had to check his prostate (my male staff was in there to translate), he gave me a stunned look for 30 sec as if he thought I was crazy. I repeated, and he looked at me again. LOL. Then, he requested me to check him with my pinky! What the heck? He had a huge butt, and my pinky is tiny. If I put my pinky between his butt cheek, it won't even touch the hole...LOL!!!