Sunday, December 11, 2011


I went to K's wedding with Jim last night. I lost my Driver's License, so Jim, being so sweet like always, came to pick me up at the office.

The wedding was at a horse barn. K really likes horses. K's family already heard about me, so they were not at all surprised that I came with Jim. On the contrary, they were very nice to me, engaging in conversations and all. I felt as "fit in" as could have been, having been the only Asian, who was gay, who was the boyfriend of the bride's gay ex-husband, who dressed nicely, who was at a wedding at a horse barn among a number of country folks.

Jim was very handsome in his suit. He was a perfect gentleman. He made sure I was not left alone to fend for myself (maybe he was afraid to do so...LOL). In real life, I am truly a gentle person, trust me...:))). Anyway, he did a great job in introducing me to the pastor and everyone he knew. They were all polite...

Except for one. This was an average looking guy who came to the wedding with a maroon, pull-over top and jeans. He brought with him a few un-noticeable kids and a very noticeable wife--a man-look-a-like wife. Yes, I'm serious. She had short, spiky hair on top of a boney-structured head on top of a leather jacket and a pair of cowboy boots. On top of that, this was the guy who waved his arms around to form letters while dancing to the YMCA song!

What did he do? Well, when Jim introduced me to them, he looked at me up and down like he was inspecting me. I had a hard time deciding if this was because the fool was homophobic or because I looked so damn hot for him that he couldn't help it. Jim and I looked pretty good dressing up, especially my butt in my form-fitting suit pants...:))) (kidding), but my three-some days were long over.

Anyway, the wedding was uneventful, just very cold, physically cold. The whole time, though, I was worried about how Jim was feeling. He was so worried about how the kids took this event. I felt very sad when K's new husband made a public, verbal pledge to "marry" Jim's kids. I understand that it was difficult for K and AJ to include Jim in their ceremony in any form. He was out of the loop in a number of things, which was perfectly normal. When he was not seated with his children, I thought that maybe they didn't have enough seats, why make it so difficult for them. However, with this pledge, I could feel and see the emotion rising up in Jim. It was as if they were oblivious to Jim's presence. I could feel the sense of loss in him. At that moment, I felt so sad for Jim. I had to hold my tears back seeing how hurt Jim was. I wanted to hug him, but, at that moment, it wasn't a good idea. Any gesture by us could have stolen the center of attention away from K and AJ.

Later, his youngest son signed his name on the guest list with AJ's last name. I think this really affected Jim. I tried to explain to Jim that he was only a 9 year-old child who was confused in the whole process. I tried to explain to Jim that he would always be his best and only dad.

I have never seen a more devoted dad than Jim. I don't doubt that his kids love and will continue to love him. I can't say that I know how Jim feels. I can try to put myself in his shoes and try to imagine how he would feel: a lot of hurt, sadness, loneliness, a sense of profound loss, ...

To those blogger friends out there who have gone through the same path Jim is going through now, please give Jim a few words of encouragement.

I love you, Jim, with all my heart.

1 comment:

  1. This had to be really hard. I think AJ should have also said, "but Jim will always be their father."

    Jim is in a better situation than the vast majority of divorced dads. So he can be thankful for that.