The local veteran chapter (of my own people...from my country) has requested me to sing two songs for their fund-raising banquet, which is tomorrow night. I used to sing a lot for different events in our community. But, now, I tend to limit my singing for more meaningful causes, such as for fund-raising events for veterans, the elderly, or the poor.
Well, this time, I am not prepared. I first chose two sad songs, one really sad...extremely sad. The lyric is very meaningful though. However, since this banquet falls on our New Year celebration, I don't think it's a good idea to sing that song. I kept justifying myself to sing it, but I won't. So, now, I have to switch to another song. I like this song also, but I still have to memorize the lyrics. Damn, I keep on messing up! Grrr...I have till tomorrow night only. And then, there's the second song...maybe, I should just sing one. I know the lyrics to both, but if I am distracted by something while singing, I'll mess up...
Anyway, the point of this blog is I love to sing for the veterans. I am very thankful for these people who have been sacrificing part or all of their youth, their lives to protect us, to give us a sense of peace, to...,sometimes, just to do things that the goverments want them to do...Regardless, they sacrifice. And I love them for that.
But, the real point of this blog was that the veterans remind me of a veteran, a specific veteran, who escaped with my family from our country. After three days on the sea, after having been caught and let go by the communists, after having been robbed and let go by the Thai pirates, we finally reached the Maylaysia shore. That night, I felt the meaning of breathing fresh air. I felt safe. Maybe, it was because we got away from the communists and the pirates. Maybe, it was because we no longer had to cramp ourselves like sardines in a tiny boat. Maybe, the thought of dying in the middle of the ocean vanished. Maybe, it was because of many things. But, I remember one thing very vividly. This veteran, a man in his early thirties, pulled me over to lay on his shoulder right on that beach looking up to the sky with numerous stars. We said nothing; we breathed in the salty air...we knew that we could never see our country again. We were sad, but we were happy. I don't know how he felt. But, to me, the moment was special. I felt natural in his arm; I felt safe; I had no sexual thoughts. I was almost thirteen at that time, but I was very innocent. I started selling candies, bananas, and stuff to help my family since I was eight, when the communist took over. I was not stupid. But, I was very innocent at the same time.
I felt right in the arm of a man even though I knew nothing about being gay. He didn't take advantage of me either. Sometimes, I wonder if I would have had the same feeling if it had been a woman. I don't think so.
I miss my Veteran...
P.S. But I love Jim...:)))