Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sing Me A Lullaby

I'm not sure if I've come down with the flu or it's just my lack of sleep over the past...forever, but I am exhausted. My body aches all over. I've had a bad headache since this morning. Toward the end of the work day, I lost my balance a little and almost fainted. I didn't tell my staff that because I needed to be strong for them. I also sniffled a little. Usually, these are signs of me getting the flu.

I came home, had dinner, and rested. I still have the headache, but the bodyache and sniffle are better. Maybe, it's just my lack of sleep. I'm stupid. I don't sleep much on purpose. I would stay up very late most nights for nothing meaningful. Most of the time, I stayed up just to watch re-runs on TV. Once in a while, I would get so tired that I dozed off early (around 10pm) and find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to, again, watch re-runs.

To think about it, it has to be from my lack of sleep. Last September, I was sick like this during my very short, 2-day vacation with Jim. I made a mistake by not sleeping much during the two nights before the trip. So, during the trip, I got so exhausted and felt nauseous most of the time. I was very disappointed that I spoiled the most romantic ride along the mountainside with Jim. He was extremely nice to me, though.

Right now, I know I should sleep. I need sleep. I need to turn off the TV and laptop. I need to shut my eyes off. But I can't control myself. My body is already asleep. But my eyes are wide awake. I'm addicted to being awake. I'm addicted to the TV. I feel high.

I'm lucky I'm off tomorrow. My sisters and most of the staff are going bowling tomorrow. I won't. I want to see Jim tomorrow. But I am exhausted. I miss him. I'll make it up to him this Saturday.

No, no sex this saturday. I lobbied for two of the things Jim likes--BBQ pork and sauteed baby clams.


  1. Stop fighting yourself and stop concentrating on not sleeping. K is insomniac and every time he gets out of bed is like someone stabbing a pin in me.Let me suggest a few things,
    1. Take a sleeping pill as RB said
    2.forget about food, have bunny sex with Jim and sleep
    3. Come take K with you, you can both play on Xbox all night so I can sleep.

    Last not least. SLEEP IDIOT!

  2. I can sleep if I want to, without medicine. I'm just crazy. However, when I slept with Jim, I always was careful not to wake him up. See how nice I am? :)

  3. Of course you are crazy or not gay enough!
    Why do you worry about silly things, ok you fall asleep and then for some reason has to get up and go, it happens, what if Jim wakes up? I think he's a nice guy and will go back to sleep. No big deal, T. Just listen to your flimsy reasoning!