I'm not sure if I've come down with the flu or it's just my lack of sleep over the past...forever, but I am exhausted. My body aches all over. I've had a bad headache since this morning. Toward the end of the work day, I lost my balance a little and almost fainted. I didn't tell my staff that because I needed to be strong for them. I also sniffled a little. Usually, these are signs of me getting the flu.
I came home, had dinner, and rested. I still have the headache, but the bodyache and sniffle are better. Maybe, it's just my lack of sleep. I'm stupid. I don't sleep much on purpose. I would stay up very late most nights for nothing meaningful. Most of the time, I stayed up just to watch re-runs on TV. Once in a while, I would get so tired that I dozed off early (around 10pm) and find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to, again, watch re-runs.
To think about it, it has to be from my lack of sleep. Last September, I was sick like this during my very short, 2-day vacation with Jim. I made a mistake by not sleeping much during the two nights before the trip. So, during the trip, I got so exhausted and felt nauseous most of the time. I was very disappointed that I spoiled the most romantic ride along the mountainside with Jim. He was extremely nice to me, though.
Right now, I know I should sleep. I need sleep. I need to turn off the TV and laptop. I need to shut my eyes off. But I can't control myself. My body is already asleep. But my eyes are wide awake. I'm addicted to being awake. I'm addicted to the TV. I feel high.
I'm lucky I'm off tomorrow. My sisters and most of the staff are going bowling tomorrow. I won't. I want to see Jim tomorrow. But I am exhausted. I miss him. I'll make it up to him this Saturday.
No, no sex this saturday. I lobbied for two of the things Jim likes--BBQ pork and sauteed baby clams.