Friday, June 24, 2011

Snails Can Give You Gonorrhea!

I didn't know snails could cause gonorrhea and chlamydia!

A river snail climbed up and took a bite on my patient's penis and gave him gonorrhea.

According to my patient, he went with a group of guys to gather fresh-water snails at some lake a couple of weeks ago. He sauteed the snails, and they tasted pretty good, he said. He also told me that, since that day, his penis keeps on dribbling with milky discharge.

I checked, and, indeed, it was dribbling.

"It is gonorrhea. I will have to check you for HIV/syphillis as well. Have you had unprotected sex?"

"No, I don't fool around."

"It only comes from sex."

"But my girlfriend has been with only me."

"Well, either you or she slept with someone else that had it."

"Well...there was this girl that I met a month ago...but she was a nice girl! And the symptoms only started after I went to the lake."

"Then, stop having sex with those God Damn snails, Damn it!"


(True story, but the snails didn't bite


  1. Don't you have to report this to the health dept? And they try to track down the girl?

  2. The patient will bring her in for treatment.

  3. Did you find the snail? Did he charge him or was it a she-snail? Does the gender of the snail affect the STD you contract?

  4. It was a male snail for sure. There were three tentacles

  5. OMG!
    Jim come back soon! Your boyfriend and the bad male snail with three tentacles are alone!!!

  6. No, no, sex with patients!

  7. ...but she was a nice girl! Right. How many times have you heard that one? If she was so nice, why did she have sex with him when he's got a girlfriend? People can be so funny.