I Am Having a Fight with My Confucius

I had a nightmare last night!

In it, I was told I had to repeat school. Now, to me, that's horrible! I hated school! I finished it, but I hated it.

I didn't hate it because it was uninteresting or difficult. I hated it because of the pressure. Actually, I did it to myself. I had a very bad study habit. I rarely showed up to class and never failed to leave the studying to the night before the exam. This was in my undergrad years. I blamed it to my working full-time while in school. But, it was my laziness. Then, in med school when I did not work that much, I also skipped class and waited until the last few days before the exams to study. Well, this was dangerous. My adrenaline was at the utmost during exam time...so much pressure. But, I kept on repeating the pattern. I blamed it to my somewhat depressive mood from having to constantly worry about hiding my sexual orientation from other people...But, I was so lazy, too.

Anyway, because of all this pressure, I have often had dreams in which I have to take some stupid courses to finish my Bachelor degree. And, in these dreams, I didn't go to class and didn't study. I never graduated. I often experienced so much pressure and woke up tired. Last night, I had the same type of dreams. In my dream, I was supposed to learn something, but I did not finish the class.

When I woke up, I was so tired but relieved that it was only a dream. But, what did my subconscious try to tell me? What did the dream mean? What was I supposed to learn? What was the lesson to be learned?

Well, I woke up late, so I had to hurry up for church. After church, my sister and I went to Michaels to by some silk flowers to make a center piece arrangement to put on top of the kitchen curio. Before my parents went off on vacation, my mom wanted me to buy a silk flower arrangement from Silkflowers.com. I bought several from them before but only liked one. They always look nicer in the pictures than in real life. And, they are so expensive, too. With shipping and handling, a decent medium-size arrangement is about $400.

So, I was determined to do it myself. How hard can it be? I can do a lot of things if I want to. This shouldn't be different. So, at Michaels, my sister and I picked out a whole bunch of flowers and leaves. Wow, they looked very real. Even my lesbian sister who never had any interest in flowers (she's not at all butchy...lol) was impressed.

I was not impressed, however. Damn, it cost me over $200! We both left the store laughing. "I better make it look good!" Well, I did it. I like it, and my sister likes it, too. But, it's too big for the curio. No problem, it looks fine in front of the fireplace. Whew!

So, was this what my dream was telling me to learn? to arrange flowers?...???

I'm not sure. I have to ask my Confucius.

"Dear Confucius, what is the lesson I am supposed to learn?"

"Orduhr duh Gog Tem fower fom inc-tuh-neg!"

"But, Dear Confucius, ordering flowers from the internet costs so much. And, my arrangement looks good, too."

"Nook nike jit!"

"Looks like what?"

"JIT!"

"Would you be happy if I put a lotus flower in a bowl with a coi fish? Maybe...some bamboo shoots...and a Panda, too?"